Just when you thought it was over. Here comes the rain.

I wish it was midnight. And I wish it was raining. Because then I could walk in the dark and nobody would see me. And even if they did. They wouldn't be able to tell I was crying since it would be raining.

I've just lost heart lately. With a lot of things. My parents, my schoolwork, my relationships, even God. I don't serve him like I used to. I feel so hypocritical even going on this missions trip. It's like I don't represent what I'm supposed to...with all the things I've done, and things I've said..the people I've hung out with, the way I live my entire life.

There's just something missing inside of me. I long for acceptance...
-I starve myself to get the image that people WANT me to have."Oh, get down to 110, and you'll be beautiful."
-I think that a guy will show me the love I need, because my father is never there.
-I stay with friends as often as possible because my parents fight.
-I've picked up the swearing habit, instead of my Bible.
-I cry myself to sleep every night, it doesn't matter how well the day went.

And to make it worse, I had to open my big mouth AGAIN. Ruin what could have been. AGAIN. I'm really not good with words...

And I need to go scream into a pillow now.
Just when I thought I was out of air. I can find a scream.
Just when I thought I was out of tears...
...here comes the rain.