There's some things I hate in this world more than others.
One of them is falling for a boy.
...I know this is probably me dwelling on it too much. But on Tuesday, I made up my mind not to go back to loving him. To just be really good friends. But it's just like. I can't help it. There's something wrong when you conciously tell yourself "I will NEVER love him like I did" and then you go and say "I love you" on the phone.
Can't I just make up my mind for once? The feelings always come back. And I can't stop them. I try. I surround myself with other guys. I hang around my girl friends who tell me I don't need a guy. Sure, I don't NEED one, but I want one. And they always say "Oh, Madi, there's more fish in the sea." Yeah well. I want THAT fish. >.>
I've told someone before. Out of all the guys that I've liked (3) I like this one the most. We've clicked the most, talked the most. I think I talk to him more than any other guy I know. And that's saying something. I really thought it could work. If we had just met once. Just once. It could give a little hope. But nooo. All our plans are ALWAYS shot through. It never fails.
And the thing that bothers me is. The very thought that he may be moving on. And here I am, stuck feeling this way towards him. He likes playing around, and I don't know how to take it, because it hurts to know that it could be serious. It could be. If we wanted it to. If HE wanted it to. If distance allowed. If We could just meet face to face that one time. But like I said. That thought of him moving on is heartbreaking to me. I know it will happen. And when it does, I'm in for a wake up call.
It'll almost be like him saying "Your tears don't fall. They crash around me."
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Madison. Im saying this because I care about you.
ReplyDeleteOf all the boys youve liked (3)....wait. Youve liked. Three boys. Seriously, you need to stop fooling around with what you think is "love." You were not and are not in love and telling yourself these untruths is really not good for you. Right now, try and focus on God's PERFECT love for you, and grow and learn more about who you are. When you're ready to handle this sort of thing, He'll send a nice boy youre way. I know it hurts. Trust me. I have been there so many times. And I hate seeing you down about this.
Also, those are lyrics from a bullet for my valentine song! :D Great song!!
I love you girl, stay strong.
-Bailey